Ding....

Dinga dong ding from the nice tram man,
I can hear you in the distance...oh yes I can!

Dinga ding dong from the nice tram lady,
I remember that sound from when I was just a baby.

Now on the kerb I know I must behave,
The tram man or tram lady gives me a nice big wave.

Ringa ding dong as I give it one last glance,
Locked into my pram, my bodies locked in and I cannot dance

Ringa dong ding when I grow up what will I be?
No stars in my eyes, I think trams are for me!

Sani....

This is a story about hand sanitizer
And before COVID hit I was barely none the wiser

Mummys got a big tub and a little one too
I’ve got heaps of the stuff so I’ll give some to you

Theres some in our home in the car and day care
why did people hoard this goop but didn’t want to share?!

I squirt this stuff, and rub my hands and mush it all around
make sure you do it too so we’re all safe ’n sound

I sing a song when I wash my hands and hum a tune I know
COVIDs here for a little while yet until it wants to go

In the meantime though there’s a dude called “Danny”
Stay safe…keep clean…With my best friend Sani

Poo's here....

Knock knock knock, whoever could that be,
I know who it’s not, because I just did a wee.

Knock knock knock, I wonder who could be there,
I know who it could be, but I don’t think I’ll share.

Knock knock knock, come out so I can see you,
I don’t think I can yet, at least not until it’s due.

Knock knock knock, is that someone really here?
I’m still not sure daddy, but can you please wait just near?

Ok ok ok mate, is this the stinky brew?
Yeah ok ok ok daddy, it really is a poo!

Toes....

Dinga dong ding from the nice tram man,
I can hear you in the distance...oh yes I can!

Dinga ding dong from the nice tram lady,
I remember that sound from when I was just a baby.

Now on the kerb I know I must behave,
The tram man or tram lady gives me a nice big wave.

Ringa ding dong as I give it one last glance,
Locked into my pram, my bodies locked in and I cannot dance

Ringa dong ding when I grow up what will I be?
No stars in my eyes, I think trams are for me!

Mine....

Hunters this, hunters that,
It covers all things, but not this hat!

What was once all yours, is now all mine,
You got all this other stuff, it’s yours ALL the time!

I try to distract you with keys, doors and locks,
But like every other kid on the earth....just gimme the fucken box!

We build mighty tents and really really great things,
There’s toys over there, but you just want mums rings!

As you get older and learn how to poo,
You’ll be so proud to yell “that’s mine!… and it’s a number 2!”

Enough of this discussion of what’s mine and what’s yours,
Let’s hang out more young man and scribble chalk on our doors!

Kids at your school will scream “mine, no it’s MINE!”
And I’m so proud you go “nah, Fuck it…you have it....I’m fine”

Potty training kicks off and your potty mouth too,
Mummy’s real concerned of my influence upon you.

She be alright Dad it’s just us 2 that fart,
Out of all of us we know that she the most smart!

Now back to the issue of you takin my stuff,
I’m just little you know, and I ain’t real tuff.

How ‘bout I promise you to give it all back,
If cometh my bedtime you cut me some slack!!

I’m a good kid Daddy and I’ll share most the times,
If you promise us all that you’ll stop with these fucken rhymes!!!!

Come Out....

Come out, come out wherever you are
I can hear your faint giggles so you can’t be too far

Come out come out wherever you are
I know you’ve got your truck but I’ve got your car!

It’s the one with the paint that’s all shitty and worn
Yet you have the truck that’s all yellow like corn

I hear you squirm and I hear your squeak
I reckon this is a game we could drag out for a week

Yet you play hide and seek when we’ve got stuff to do
Like going to bed or “presenting” a poo

Come out come out wherever you are
I promise I’ll sing you that song with a star

Come out come out wherever you are
And we’ll greet each other surprised with a “RAH”!!!!

Chocolate....

Chocolate my love, get between my young lips
Im at such a young age that it won’t hit my hips

I think of it, and talk of it, and dream it all the time
But my demands are never met - that chocolate should be mine

You offer me Apple, and blueberries and toast
Don’t offer that shit it’s chocolate I want most

If my fingers were made of the smooth brown stuff
I’d lick ‘em all day but doubt that’s enough

I’d make my arms and legs of it too
But fear my rear would make chocolate poo

Eeew that is so yucky and you are so grose
I don’t care what you think, get out of here, adiose!

A balanced diet of a kid at my age
Should be equal parts listen and other part sage

I’m wise for my age as chocolates my god
It’s my air and my purpose just not for our dog

Bubbles....

Wheres willy, willys where?
he’s in the bubbles without my underwear

Wee willy, see willy, theres no willy there.
That’s because theyre tiny bubbles, like little pockets of air!

I’m in my bath and I’m a Bubble boy
Makin my own bubbles with my own bum toy

they stick to my body and I blow em off my hand
They drop off me easily and who cares where they land!

I Pop them, hit them, blow them all around
They’re sticky little clouds, will they stick to the hound?

I Kick & froth & shake that shit up
You know that soapy stuff, Damn I added a whole cup!!!

Splashing, thrashing and farting is fun too
They’re all magic ways to make a Suddsy bubble stew

When I settle my energy and calm the fck down
I’m puttin bubbles on my face - I think I’ll be a clown

There’s Bubbles here and bubbles over there
Goddam you bubbles why don’t you stay in my hair?

Dad did the rooster and a bad Elvis do
I’m surprised he could do that, he’s hairs thin like a fresh morning dew

A beard I could not make that becometh a grown man
The best I can make is a small bubbly can

Time to get out as the bubbles depart
As we close our bath time with one final fart

Ouchy ....

Ouchy I’m grouchy because I’ve got a sore
I had my big shoes on and I tripped on the floor

I got myself up as Dad said y’all right?
I’m back on my feet and I’m ready to fight

It might be a shadow or it might be t-rex
Either way Kid DJ just go spin me those decks

Maybe a doof doof here or a doof doof there
Music is the magic that gives me curly hair

I’ve jumped off the lounge and got some wicked air
Maybe next time round I’ll roar like a bear

Or maybe a dog or a tiger or a cat
I’ll jump as high as I can and I’ll fall hard and dead flat

Now that’s tough talk from a kid whose top lip
Quivers at the thought of a liddle bump to his hip

So I said I was tough, I can play in the rough
But my talk is what’s tough and I know how to fluff

My words are progressing - they’re short sharp and sweet
Before you all know it I’ll be saying fckn bleep

Now back to topic of cuts, bruise and graze
I’m a Daydreamer kids of motorbike days

2 wheels plus 2 equals what I thinks more
Perhaps Dad will allow me to drive his 9 forty four

So to close this thing out I’ll go read on my couchy
As there it is safe, soft and no ouchy

No Daddy....

Yo daddy yo daddy is it cold outside?
I think it might be little fella so let’s go plan our ride

No daddy no daddy I don’t want that jacket on!
I don’t want that vest either and don’t play that song!

You want some toast, a smoothie or play with your red car?
No no no daddy you’re just so blah blah fckn blah!

Oh cmon kid you know I’m your mate
What’s with all this rejection and down right daddy hate?

Oh cmon Dad you need to just lighten up,
Grandma tells me when you were my age you were worse than a cute little pup

Well you may have got me right there son with your chats with your nice granny
You have much to learn young grasshopper from tieing some knots and working the dunny

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again Daddy
No daddy no daddy - no, no, no!

What if I grab a wig and pretend to be mum
Will that satisfy yourself and we’ll all just play dumb?

Oh oh oh daddy here we go again
You playing the fool and try’n be funny go grab a pen

Write this down Daddy as I’ll say it only once
No no no daddy - I’m the boss...you the dunce!

I’m sure as I get older I might start to like you a bit more
But just at this moment I’ll say “Daddy no” and you can abide by Hunters Law

Well I’ve got all the time in the world son to wait for you to mature
Cos I get to dress you however I want and it’s a far cry from haute couture

You want this hat, you wear this shirt I’ll even pack this beanie!
No no no daddy why you such a meanie?

Rightio kiddo I’m prepared to take a back seat
when you decide to get a go kart, I’ll push you down the street

Yeah that’s sounds ok daddy and I’m really really keen
Just give me a break for now though and be heard and just not seen